My Journey Through Bell's Palsy
written by Lisa Gniady
“Look in the mirror and who do I see, half a stranger looking back at me.”
We all experience times when we are stopped in our tracks, when we find ourselves at crossroads, and have to choose how to react. Those challenging moments are the “doorways” for greater understanding and growth on our journeys through life.
For me, this “doorway” happened on August 3, 2018, during the energetic 11/11 Portal (8+3=11 2018; 2+0+1+8=11). Portals are powerful, transitory times known to give opportunities for self discovery.
My journey through Bell’s Palsy was my “doorway” as it was a test of my years of yoga practice, meditation and spiritual work. It demonstrated the power of these practices, and how they prepared me for this challenging moment in my life.
My Journey
My journey through Bell’s Palsy began upon my return from a trip to Ireland. I was gifted a severe case of pink eye that lasted a month.
Once healed, I went on a friends’ trip to Galena, Illinois. Before I left I noticed a small nuisance pain behind my right ear, but thought nothing of it. While there, the pain intensified into a sharp throbbing that became my constant companion. It was bearable and coordinated with the beat of my heart. But as the days went on, the pain steadily increased. I tried numerous over-the-counter pain medications but none worked, although ice packs did bring some relief.
Aug 3, 2018
The morning of the 3rd, I awoke from a sleepless night filled with pain, took a purifying Himalayan sea salt bath to rejuvenate, followed by a shower. I was trying everything to feel better so I could go teach my yoga class later that morning. I noticed that my right eye felt funny. I thought, “Great! Pink eye is back.” Then I looked in the mirror and to my shock, the right side of my mouth and eyelid were drooping. I couldn’t help wondering if it was a reaction to the pink eye medications.
A sense of calmness came over me.
Some random thoughts….
Do I go teach, then go to the hospital?
Did I have a mini stroke?
Can I smile, raise my arm, balance, speak?
Or could it be Bell’s Palsy?
I felt clear headed.
I called my husband, said “come home”.
Called my supervisor, cancelled yoga class.
Woke my daughter. She drove us to the hospital.
In the ER for 7 hours….
One MRI
Two CAT scans
(Not a fan of radiation)
Not an aneurism
Not a stroke
Thankfully,
Just Bell’s palsy
I took a sigh of relief…
I didn’t have a stroke...
Bell’s palsy is not pleasant. People don’t realize the pain that can accompany it, which can be worse than the physical change to your appearance.
Had to go on steroids, poisoned myself with contrast dye, taking medications...all the things I don’t believe in.
But, sometimes we need conventional medical care. Once illness moves from the energy body into the physical, it needs to be worked on in this realm for healing…
To put my situation in perspective - during the same timeframe these challenges were happening to other members of my family. What I was experiencing seemed minor in comparison.
My father was in the hospital in another state, coincidentally having a heart procedure at the same exact time.
My mother was receiving glaucoma surgery later that same week.
My uncles were both ill.
There was too much going on for me to share my predicament with my parents.
All I wanted was for the pain to go away. The prednisone helped. Ugh, another steroid. The pain subsided to a tolerable level. But I needed to learn to adjust and love this temporary, external me.
My eye didn’t shut and would dry out if not taped at night. My crooked mouth made eating and drinking difficult, due to the drooping muscles. Imagine how you feel when you get numbed for a procedure at the dentist office. I had to be careful not to bite myself, and sometimes, liquids dripped down from my mouth, while drinking.
So I put my ego aside and said “I will heal me.” I will heal me and share my story, so others will understand that we are more than our physical shells. We need to keep ourselves healthy so our bodies can fulfill their mission in this lifetime. But what if your mission is to experience these experiences in order to help others know that they can get through it? Bell’s palsy is not life threatening, but it is a nuisance.
With a vacation already planned for Door County, Wisconsin, I left the hospital with pills and drops in hand. And I thought, “I will keep on keeping on, and off we went.” (Coincidentally, our family had planned this trip to Door County, prior to my diagnosis not realizing the door I would be walking through while there was, for me.
Arrived at midnight • Taped my eye • Went to bed.
Hoped to see some improvement in the morning.
There was nothing I could change anyway except pray to my guides for a speedy recovery…
Before I went to bed, I pulled one of my Soul Reflection Oracle Cards asking for guidance. I picked Ganesha - the overcomer of obstacles. It represents life experiences, meaning, in life you receive the appropriate experience at the time that you need to. So this was my door. I picked the Bell’s Palsy door, the door of challenge, the door of physical adaptability, of checking your ego at the “door” and loving yourself unconditionally.
August 4, 2018
Woke up in Door County.
Face a little worse. Eye open, mouth a little droopier. My smile was harder to come by on that side.
The pain in my head had subsided so I got up and went for a walk with my daughter.
It was a hot muggy day, with the wind blowing. The view outside was beautiful–green trees, lake view...I felt thankful I could walk. I felt thankful
I could be here on the final vacation with my girls before they both left for college....If I had had a stroke, I would not have been there. My life would have been permanently changed. I opened my one closed eye and said “thank you” as tears ran down my face. I AM so lucky. I AM so blessed...
Being a teacher, my job is to uplift all. I promised myself to use this experience to teach. I am thankful for the lessons and for the gift of this minor setback. And I will meet the world with a crooked smile and one open eye, and see the world through a new light...
I went off to enjoy this day with my family. See what it had in store with new eyes - a child’s eyes. See the world in a new way..
I noticed I was becoming more emotional. Was it the steroids, or the situation finally sinking in? Got a little upset at the restaurant that would not let me bring in gluten free food even though my family was eating there. I thought, no compassion for people with food allergies. They finally agreed to allow me in, but the situation made me angry. I would not normally have reacted that way, just felt a bit melancholy...not easy seeing your outer projection not meeting your inner essence. I felt off balance.
I picked another card from my Soul Reflection Oracle Card Deck. It was the Fortune card. It said “You just picked the fortune cookie. Today I can...Fill in the blank.” Then it said, “think slowly before you jump at what you want.”
I thought, do I want my face back? It was my first reaction. Why would I need to think slowly on that? But then I thought, if I could sacrifice myself and offer my mother her eyesight back, wouldn’t that be a more worthy wish? Or, heal any millions of people who have issues much worse than mine? That's when the guilt kicked in. Was it selfish or wrong to want to be “my normal?” I pondered my wish.
That day, I biked 9 miles in a state park with my family. If things had been different I may not have been able to ride. I was thankful to be in nature, I was healthy, and I knew I would heal.
I noticed a car with a lift parked in the “handicapped” spot. “Adapt” read the license plate. Life can change in an instant. “Adapt.” We all need to adapt to every condition in life. “Adapt”- my new word-adaptation-modification. I can do anything. I am adaptable.
The hotel across the way had a sign that said “Sorry, No vacancy.” But I took it as a message from the universe to me, saying they were sorry for what I was going through. I thought of the song, “I will survive”, that I had won for a Twist dance competition, when I was 16. Who would have foreseen this? You cannot fully understand something, until you experience it yourself. So, I said thanks for this opportunity for growth. I knew I would survive.
August 5, 2018
The road to recovery was not straight... that day was a little harder than the day before. Random pains radiated up the side of my head. My eyes were bothersome. And well, my appearance, let's just say, a beauty I was not.
Interesting, I recollected the first channel I ever received from my guides.
“I am strong. I will make others strong. Make others strong with your smile. A smile can change the world. You have always known, you just now remember. You have always known, you just now remember. Remember all. Remember ALL. All is good. All is good. It's ALL good. Have no fear. All is as it should be. All is as it should be. All is as it should be. All is as should be. Do your work. Do your work now. Help people now. They need you now. Not tomorrow. They need you now. Help them with a smile. A smile is a gift. A smile is a gift. A smile is a gift. Smile now. Smile often. Smile now. Smile often. Don't forget to smile.”
I thought, “well now I have a crooked smile. Is this how I make others strong? Letting them know that we are perfect just as we are at all moments in time? Is there really anything different about me now that my external appearance has shifted? I will have my ups and my downs, but I will accept this is a lesson in acceptance. A lesson in self love. A lesson of appreciating what I have. I can walk. I can talk. I can see. I can laugh. I can breathe. I am one of the lucky.”
August 7, 2018 - Lions Gate
Volatile day. August 7th was hard. Mouth was droopier. Eyes dry. I knew I would rebound. But my emotions shifted. Tired. Confused. I thought, “what treatment? None? All?” The gift of friendship during that time was amazing. I will never forget the kindness of those that were there for me. That day, I went to the eye doctor, the chiropractor, the osteopath, and the next day I began acupuncture. I had cold laser therapy treatments compliments of one of my best friends that she offered me during her personal time. I received B12 treatments. Got a referral from a friend for an osteopath, and their office squeezed me in for an appointment. Another friend hopped on a plane to help assist my mother after her surgery, since I couldn’t be there. Healing was needed all around.
But I prevailed. I knew this experience was a gift and contained hidden wisdom. I was ready to heal. I had faith. I had the tools. I used my channeled “Believe-In Healing” affirmation cards. I listened to my gong cd and sang along with my song “I Am Healed” as sound therapy for myself. These tools were created for others, but I knew one day I would need them too. I was deeply grateful for the gifts that had channeled through me.
I knew I would overcome this virus and move on clean and clear.
August 9, 2018
Tough day again.
Pain was bad.
Had trouble sleeping.
Went to get my B12 shot.
Cold laser treatment from my friend.
Chiropractor visit. Went for acupuncture.
Received physical therapy and massage.
Took supplements, anti-virals.
Pain was still present.
It was my new short term reality on my journey to healing.
Face was no better. One positive, though, I lost weight. No appetite, as it was difficult to eat. I felt like me again, there at least.
August 10, 2018
It was two thirty am... the pain was excruciating. Every 20 seconds or so I felt like someone was hitting me in the head with a sledge hammer...ear kept ringing. Neck sore, couldn’t see out the right eye... Was living in the now...this now sucks...but it was better than the alternative... that was what I needed to remember... I couldn’t sleep. Tried Motrin again...to see if that would work... hemp oil too...pain. Pain. Pain. Nothing took it away. I couldn’t sleep. Pain was there. A constant reminder. A constant friend. The squeeze and release. Like contractions in your head. It kept me from going to bed. Pain was part of my new reality.
The Light at the end of the tunnel...
I continued on. I journeyed from physical therapy, to the eye doctor, to acupuncture treatments, to the chiropractor, to massage, to cold laser therapy, osteopath...... and miraculously after about 3 weeks, I was 90 percent healed. At week 4, the virus was 99% gone.
I set the intention that the virus would be healed before the end of August since I was co-facilitating a women’s retreat in Mount Shasta at that time. And I did, I healed. The virus is gone. I look slightly different and I love me more. I hope to never have to go through this again, but I feel lucky. It was temporary. It was my journey, and I learned a lot about me and the people in my life.
Perseverance. I persevered. And I believed, really believed it would go away. I am so thankful for that experience and glad it is over...
